Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I Am Free

I don't know how many times we've talked about freedom at school. But still, this image made me think and reevaluate my concept of freedom. I don't intend to give the most professional or philosophical insight about it, because I am merely a teenage boy, with teenage vocabulary and I have not read nearly enough to have the clearest idea of everything freedom implies. Reading things like what's on that image though, really makes me wonder... Are we really free? It's like, there's a certain "model" for how to live your life. A lot of people try to make their life as similar to that perfect model as possible, which is where the term "american dream" comes from. However a lot of people try to live a different life, completely different from this model. They try to shape it in every way they can, to make it feel like it's their own. Change every single detail so it feels unique. Sometimes, it's simply impossible to fully save yourself from falling into some aspects of the standard way of life.
When I first started writing this post (not so long ago, it's quite short as you can see) I wrote "I don't think so." Right after the question of freedom. As you can see, it's nowhere to be found anymore. And that's because when I started writing all of this, I realized what *I* really think (obviously people can agree or disagree). I think that as long as we have a clear idea of what we want our lives to be, based on who we really are, and what we as individuals aspire to achieve, then we are free. Even if it is only in our minds. We can go to work, send our kids to school, act normal, watch T.V. and everything else you may want to add; but just as long as deep down you're doing everything because you want to, and you're not afraid to be a little bit crazy, even when you don't show it, then you are free.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

I Could Definitely Use Somebody

Everybody seems to have someone. At least one person, one friend they can just talk to, hang out, and eat with. I talk to some people. I hang out with some others. And I eat with a few more. But I don't have somebody there for me. And it's really starting to get to me.
I have adapted. I can ride a bike. I embrace the few hours of sunlight I have. I wash my own clothes, cook my own food and shop for groceries. But I still can't find my place here in terms of people.
It takes a great deal of effort for me and quite a lot of time to trust someone. To feel connected to someone. Not even in a romantic way, just in terms of friendship. I wish I already had someone I could go to at 3 am in the morning, knock on their door and talk about things that are troubling me. But I don't.
Sometimes I feel great, I'm very positive and I smile at strangers on the streets. But I can't put up that happy face all the time, it takes energy, and it can't just be fueled on happy thoughts. There has to be some actual happy things happening to me if I want to remain positive. I don't want the sadness to overcome me. But I don't know what I should do, it's not a matter of rushing things.
I just want someone that'll watch a movie in my room with me, eat what I cook, cook for me, take me out shopping, or simply welcome me in their room whenever I knock with no specific reason. I just need a friend. A real friend.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Memory



I was just watching Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, a very weird, trippy movie that involves being able to get stuff done to your brain to erase memories of people. Or something like that. Anyway, as I stopped myself from vomiting over the extremely confusing scenes, a thought came to my mind.

What would life be without memory?

Like, what if there was no such thing as recording experiences in your brain? You just go through life living for every second that's coming, one after another. You don't have any friends, no family, and certainly no lover. (Well first of all the world as we know it wouldn't exist, but just try to picture it).

Would we just be ghosts roaming the planet with no purpose? Or perhaps savages that only care about our basic instincts... Would we appreciate the beauty of nature, or beauty of any kind for that matter? Would the concept of beauty even exist? Would any concept exist? What would we live for?

We wouldn't have to look back, but I can't see how we would be able to look forward. You're just looking at what's in front of you. Would we feel empty? Would we feel like something is missing? Or maybe we would never know the difference. That would just be how we are, how could it be strange? You can't miss something that was never there to begin with.